Just a thought.

I'm faced with many decisions daily, but right now the decisions that I need to decide, I cannot possibly make. I'm so confused with what God wants me to do, that I'm just about ready to give up all together. I'm crying out for the guidance and strength that I need to succeed. These are the times that I wish I still had the people I ran out of my life. I'm in love with the song "Fix You" by Coldplay. If you never try something then you'll never know if it's going to work out or completely fail. I need to stop being a baby and just jump. Take the leap of faith and just hope that God makes everything fall into place.
    I've been blessed by the families at my church. I've been given a home, and all the love I could ever ask for. Yet, I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. I wish I could just be a kid. Just for one day. To be careless and worry free... As the holidays pass, and a new year is about to begin, we're supposed to have a "New Years Resolution." I'm still in the process of figuring out what mine will be. I'm pretty sure this is it...I want to be happy. I want to look forward to my future and everything that God will puts in my path. I want people to see the grace of God through me.

Will this be my escape?

Alright so, I said I'd finish my blog from the other day, but I don't feel the need to dwell on it. Yesterday night I attended a small group at my church, which blew me away. The topic was "Confessions" and boy, did I have some things to confess. Although, I didn't share mine with the other women. I wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I knew what I needed to confess but I couldn't quite find the right words to share with the others without completely breaking down. I mean it's okay to cry, but breaking down for me is basically sitting, starring, and playing back memories in my mind, while the tears are flowing down, and I can barely breath. I felt so many emotions within those 3 hours. I felt embarrassed, overwhelmed, confused, angry, and hurt. I knew that I needed to speak up because these things have been eating me away, but I just passed because I wasn't ready, and that... was okay. "You mean it's okay to not speak when you're not ready?" The answer to that was, "Yes."  Me hearing that was a total change because I've always been taught to speak up and if you didn't speak when asked a question, you got a swift kick in the rear. Of course I'm still being eaten alive and it's taking a toll on my mind and my body, but one day when I'm ready to move past everything I will speak.

 

 

       Another topic we spoke about was "Forgiveness." You see it's not uncommon for us Christians to have questions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we've been injured. We don't naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we've been wronged. I believe forgiveness is a choice we make through a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

 

 

 

 

       I am slowly starting to forgive the people who have wronged me in the past. There are some very nasty, angry, and broken people that I have to forgive. I have already forgiven my biological father by calling him, and even though he told me I'm not his problem anymore, I still forgave him, told him I loved him and hung up. That's 1 down and about 11 more people to go. Though, a few I'm not sure I will be able to face alone, but I know that I have to forgive them so I can be forgiven. Even though you think some things that God wants us to do may seem impossible, you're going to be rewarded in the end. I personally cannot wait to get to the Lord's kingdom.

 

      I am now off to study for my exams....YIKES!! Pray for me <3

 

How does he love?

      Today is my first blog on this site, how exciting right!?!? I'm not very good at this yet, but since I love to write I thought why not give it a shot (plus I get to read all of my friends blogs). So, some of you reading this may already know that I have finally accepted Christ as my savior, and it was not as easy as I thought it would be. I attend Freedom Fellowship, where I have been completely overwhelmed with the love and care everyone has been giving me, and I thank them greatly. I wouldn't give up any of them for anything. I knew the first day I attended, something was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until now. Growing up in a non religious household has made it even more difficult for me to be the person our Lord has put me on this Earth to be. For the first time in my life, someone told me that they knew I was going to be great, and do the impossible for God. When I heard those words, I quickly burst into tears. Talking with this women at Freedom has forever changed the way I look at life. I then decided to jump in head first, not caring if I was going to hit my head on the way in. I felt our father through my body, which I then knew, I was ready. Ready to take on anything that was going to be thrown at me. You see, God has his ways of working into our lives, whether it be through other people, or just simple signs to let you know, he is here with you every step of the way.

     Before all of this happened, I wasn't a believer. I got myself into trouble, and I couldn't figure out why in the world God put me here. I made mistakes, didn't care about what I was putting myself through, worried more about what others thought about me than what God thinks of me, and so much more. Things happened to me that made me not care anymore, not want to be the Morgan I knew I could be. I then gave up, and did what made me feel better and would take the pain that I was going through. I did things that made me look cool, made people think totally different then what I really was. I felt, FAKE. UGLY. A CHEATER. A LIAR. and most of all A DISAPPOINTMENT. But, I didn't care, I kept doing the same things over and over, which led me to even worse things. I tried to build relationships that could fill the spots of people who walked out on me. Those relationship are now broken, and ruined, which they'll never be repaired. All I can do is ask for forgiveness. Through out my blogs you will hear more about my life and the struggles I went though to get to where I am now, a strong, Christian, beautiful, young woman.

     I'm going to be leaving you hanging until tomorrow, because it is 11:32 and I have school in the morning. Goodnight readers :)

          -Morgan