Will this be my escape?

Alright so, I said I'd finish my blog from the other day, but I don't feel the need to dwell on it. Yesterday night I attended a small group at my church, which blew me away. The topic was "Confessions" and boy, did I have some things to confess. Although, I didn't share mine with the other women. I wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I knew what I needed to confess but I couldn't quite find the right words to share with the others without completely breaking down. I mean it's okay to cry, but breaking down for me is basically sitting, starring, and playing back memories in my mind, while the tears are flowing down, and I can barely breath. I felt so many emotions within those 3 hours. I felt embarrassed, overwhelmed, confused, angry, and hurt. I knew that I needed to speak up because these things have been eating me away, but I just passed because I wasn't ready, and that... was okay. "You mean it's okay to not speak when you're not ready?" The answer to that was, "Yes."  Me hearing that was a total change because I've always been taught to speak up and if you didn't speak when asked a question, you got a swift kick in the rear. Of course I'm still being eaten alive and it's taking a toll on my mind and my body, but one day when I'm ready to move past everything I will speak.

 

 

       Another topic we spoke about was "Forgiveness." You see it's not uncommon for us Christians to have questions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we've been injured. We don't naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we've been wronged. I believe forgiveness is a choice we make through a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

 

 

 

 

       I am slowly starting to forgive the people who have wronged me in the past. There are some very nasty, angry, and broken people that I have to forgive. I have already forgiven my biological father by calling him, and even though he told me I'm not his problem anymore, I still forgave him, told him I loved him and hung up. That's 1 down and about 11 more people to go. Though, a few I'm not sure I will be able to face alone, but I know that I have to forgive them so I can be forgiven. Even though you think some things that God wants us to do may seem impossible, you're going to be rewarded in the end. I personally cannot wait to get to the Lord's kingdom.

 

      I am now off to study for my exams....YIKES!! Pray for me <3